Sound of Our Revolution | October 2022: End the Monarchy

Contributed by Jonny Collins.

So here I was, mid August, preparing a playlist for the September live show on Unions due to impending strike action in September – and some fucking old cunt has the nerve to die days before our show, postpone all upcoming strike action, and make our playlist irrelevant immediately. THANKS, LIZ.

But no matter. It gave me plenty motivation to revisit our Anti-Monarchy playlist and update it for 2022. Not exactly celebrating the death of a 96 year old wealthy woman who was by all accounts, objectively, not the absolute worst head of state we could’ve had over the last 70 years, but to question the system of monarchy and in particular their place in modern society in 2022.

I won’t pretend to know much about either the late Queen or the new King as people – because I pay about as much attention to the Royal Family as I do any other celebrity family (and at least The Osbournes was ironically entertaining). So I of course empathise, as someone who lost a parent recently, that this must be a difficult time for her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. (Although tbf – if my mum didn’t die until I was in my 70s, and also made me one of the richest and most important people in the country with mandated respect from the public, I’d probably feel marginally less mad at the Universe for the fleeting nature of life.)

So please don’t take this playlist as celebration of the death of the Queen. Take it as introspection at our political system, and reminders of the atrocities the family are complicit in, if not actively committing.

(Union Playlist will now play next month – you can read more about this here: https://blizzardcomedy.co.uk/2022/08/26/playlist-september-2022/ )

#1: Take That – Bob Vylan

“You don’t know what I do to survive
Are you with them, are you with us? Pick a side
Burn Britannia, kill the Queen, that’s a vibe
Time to ride”

…Okay maybe you could take this one as endorsement of a dead monarch. Although let’s be fair – I don’t think Vylan’s problem with the Queen was personal. And they aren’t going to be satisfied now we’ve got King Charles instead. I’m sure live versions of this song from now on will say Kill the King.

Take That is a no-holds-barred flow that coves a number of topics, but broadly on white, colonial heroes from Elvis Presley, to Winston Churchill – criticizing white British culture of revering these icons, particularly the latter as a war hero despite being generally a terrible person whose main beef with Hitler seemed to be that he was implementing his particular genocide poorly, and expanding it outside of his own country. (You can see why I have a problem with Kier Starmer calling the Tories incompetent and not evil. Calling someone incompetent means you probably agree with their ideas, but think you can do it better, and frankly – I don’t want more competent fascists.)

But I digress, this song is mostly on here for that chorus – which far from literally wanting the Queen murdered. It wants the whole system taken down, and indeed the rest of Great Britain, for being such a hostile and exploitative environment on the working classes, particularly working class people of colour.

That being said – this isn’t the first time Bobby has said “Kill the Queen” in one of his songs – and he was hardly cut up about her death, so that’s probably a factor too, who knows.

#2: Prince Andrew Is A Sweaty Nonce – The Kunts

“The grand old Duke of York
He said he didn’t sweat
So why did he pay 12 million quid to a girl he’d never met?
‘Cause he’s a sweaty nonce (nonce)
He’s a sweaty nonce
You know it’s true that Prince Andrew is a sweaty nonce”

This was the first song I put on the list. The Kunts’ Jubilee special, reminding everyone that Prince Andrew paid £12 million to a woman he claimed he didn’t groom or sexually assault as a teenager. Not to mention the Queen paid for this, so is very much complicit in the fact that he couldn’t be brought to justice, even if she tried to distance herself from him after the allegations came out, and stripped him of his royal titles.

#3: Storm The Palace – Catatonia

“Storm the palace
Storm the palace”

Nearly all of the lyrics to this song are just “Storm the Palace”, do I need to explain myself? Catatonia are great, and far better than that other band beginning with K. Seriously I can’t hear Katatonia without thinking of Catatonia – and I’d much rather listen to Catatonia. Metal is bad, and so is everyone who listens to it and makes it. (Stick around for 13-16, you’ll like them)

#4: Wretches & Kings – Linkin Park

“Feel alone, final blow
We, the animals, take control
Hear us now, clear and tall
Wretches and kings, we come for you”

Wretches and Kings by Linkin Park isn’t literally about monarchs – although the song’s film is about rising up and taking the power from those who wield it over you. Just saying, that is an option.

#5: Parasite Monarchy – The Restarts

I can’t find any lyrics for this one – but I think the title says it all.

#6: We Her Majesty’s Prisoners – Manic Street Preachers

“England’s glory lives on in world wide genocide
So celebrate Buchenwald as Her Majesty’s heir
Now an obsolete face on a currency of illusion
No matter what we own we can’t buy freedom”

Hmm, I wonder why so many Welsh alternative rock bands seem to have such a beef with the British Monarchy hmm?

#7: Tom Paine’s Bones – Grace Petrie

“This is the Age Of Reason
These are The Rights Of Man
Kick off religion and monarchy”

Tom Paine was a revolutionary activist from the 18th century, who penned several works against the ruling class of the time, specifically King George – and was a huge factor in America’s support for independence from the King and Great Britain.

We can argue whether they’ve done a better or worse job governing themselves since then – but I don’t think anyone would disagree with American independence in theory. In fact, maybe we shouldn’t’ve colonised it in the first place, that would’ve been great. But here we are now, and let’s be fair – if you do think things are better in the UK overall, this is despite, and not because of the monarchy system.

#8: Flag Day – The Housemartins

“It’s a waste of time if you know what they mean
Try shaking a box in front of the queen
‘Cause her purse is fat and bursting at the seams
It’s a waste of time if you know what they mean”

This is another track which uses the “Queen” as a placeholder for the wealthy in general – but she was very much a part of the elite and it should be remembered that she was no more on our side than any CEO or world leader. One time the royal family even tried to skim funds off of the state poverty fund to heat Buckingham palace. This is a thing the Queen did. They only didn’t because the PR advisor thought it’d be a bad look. No shit.

I don’t give a shit if she was nice and composed and a good diplomat – any head of state stealing money from services to support the poorest in society for their own comfort is a piece of shit, and I don’t care that she’s dead.

#9: I Think The Answer’s Yes – The Beautiful South

“So to a world without hunger, where royalty face death
(I think the answer’s yes, I think the answer’s yes)
To the breaking down of barriers of North, South
East and West”

Moving onto The Beautiful South who combine pretty easy listening folk alternative rock, with some surprisingly explicit lyrics to create a band with a very contrasting vibe that you can’t help but love. Pleasant listening, revolutionary messaging, what a band.

#10: Last Night Of The Kings – Van Canto

“This is the last night of the kings
We are the folk
And we have the right
To stand up and to fight
For an independent life”

Another sonically unusual band – Van Canto play a capella folk metal, which has niche appeal, but is also incredibly well produced and performed. I don’t think you could listen to them without feeling some burning sensation inside you.

Particularly for this subject matter – revolting against the system of Kings and Queens ruling over the peasant classes – to hear a chorus of incredibly powerful and varied singers harmonize and create a rich soundscape to underpin the vocal performances is just a thing of beauty to my ears. I’m sure you’ll all agree.

#11: Stuff The Jubilee – Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine

“I’m not an anarchist
But I know a man who is
He composed this masterpiece
About the nouveau stinking riche
Of cabbages and future kings
And marriage guidance councelings
Of geriatrics losing hope
In Stephen Patrick’s overcoat
Excuse my rudery
But stuff the juoblee!”

Very surreal that this was written for the Queen’s Silver Jubilee – and we had the Platinum this year, and general sentiment doesn’t seem to have changed that much. Well it has for me, but mostly because I wasn’t alive for the Silver, and was only 7 for the golden, and 7 year old or pre-foetal me wasn’t very politically conscious

#12: Take Down The Union Jack – Billy Bragg

“The dear old queen of England
Handing out those MBEs
Member of the British Empire
That doesn’t sound too good to me”

This Billy Bragg classic isn’t very focused on the monarchy – as much as it is about the British Empire in general, and everything the Union Jack represents. It’s kind of funny it’s called a Union jack, when many of the parties aren’t actually consensually involved in it. We are a fucking shit country and deserve to stop.

#13: The Beheading of a King – Amon Amarth

“The Danish king was captured
Most of his guards were dead
For a ransom he was released
Then his people took his head”

Okay Metalheads, you happy now? I’ll stop making fun of your music for a moment to praise some of the things I genuinely like about it. I come from a metal background as far as music is concerned, so please don’t take my hate as sincere – mostly just embarrassment and shitposting because metalheads take themselves very seriously and it’s the funniest thing.

This Amon Amarth track is one of the lesser appreciated cuts from Fate of Norns. the album that brought us “Pursuit of Vikings” which is a phenomenal song. Beheading of a King seems to be about a battle entitled The Battle of Fotevik, the consequences of which involved a King of Denmark getting executed by his own people after sending his men to death in a civil war.

Again – just saying we have options, and we don’t need to wait until a war.

#14: Marching on Versailles – Ad Infinitum

“March!
The day has come
The unwanted are rising
March!
The day has come
And now the fates are changing
March!
The day has come
A new horizon shining
March!
The day has come
From your head the crown is falling”

Oh now this fucking rocks. Symphonic Metal bliss. Marching on Versailles is, as you may have guest, about the French Revolution, specifically the women’s march on Versailles which along with other key events led to the downfall of the French Monarchy, execution of King Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette.

JUST SAYING THERE ARE OPTIONS.

#15: Kill The King – Rainbow

“Kill the king
He’ll rule no more
Strike him dead
The people roar”

So baffled that a band called Rainbow could sound as heavy and epic as this. Featuring Ritchie Blackmoore and Ronnie James Dio himself, this track, and indeed most of Rainbow’s work is the stuff of legend.

Which makes it especially strange that this song is actually just about chess. But y’know, “Kill The King” it’s too thematically appropriate. And this song fucks, idec.

#16: Farewell To The Crown – Quaetdoener

I could find very little of substance about this band – so there is a chance they’re terrible people – but I could neither confirm nor deny this – and it’s very rare that I can include anything approaching Black Metal on these playlists – and unfortunately that is a guilty pleasure of mine.

“Farewell To The Crown” seems appropriate enough to include, even if I’ve not the foggiest what the lyrics actually say. If any of you know these people and it turns out they’re neo-Nazis, please let me know and I won’t include them ever again. But as it stands, there’s not a lot of info, and they’re incredibly good musicians, so I’ll be tentatively optimistic that they’re not completely horrible.

#17: Royalty – The Exploited

“Way down in there
It’s no fucking use
Gonna be a victim
Of the working class abuse”

For those of you that don’t know, Johnny Rotten of Sex Pistols is a proper sellout and doesn’t hold himself to the standards of his own songs. So there’ll be no “God Save The Queen” on here. But Royalty by The Exploited scratches the same itch, and honestly sounds much better, so I’m not too arsed.

#18: Hello Tyrannosaurus, Meet Tyrannicide – Enter Shikari

“Hello Tyrannosaurus, meet Tyrannicide
You haven’t read your History have you?
Just regurgitated lies
And everything taught to you
That no man is too tall
You can grow but remember
Empires always fall”

Another track more about the British Empire as a whole rather than the Monarchy specifically, but it’s an Enter Shikari track from my favourite album of all time, so yeah, sue me.

#19: Big a, Little A – Crass

“Palaces for kings and queens, mansions for the rich
Protection for the wealthy, defence of privilege
They’ve learnt the ropes In Ireland, engaged in civil war
Fighting for the ruling classes in their battle against the poor”

I’m going to be honest, I’m not even sure I like this song. It has a very long introduction that usually makes me want to skip it, it’s rough to listen to production wise, and the music is too samey for how long this track is.

But… It is Crass, what do I expect?

If you like this style of Anarcho-Southern English-Street-Punk, then this is a song in that genre that you might like.

And one thing I will say is it crams a lot of lyrical content into its runtime. It is packed full of working class revolutionary statements, not solely about the monarchy – but it’s touched on. This song covers pretty much all the themes present on this playlist in 6 minutes, and personal tastes aside, I’ve gotta rate that.

#20: Citadels – Allfather

“We won’t be saved by Lords and Kings
They are just fucking thieves
They are our betrayers”

I don’t know much about this band, but this song is heavy as fuck, and will definitely be checking them out. They don’t hold their tongues either, which I respect. I’m all for poetically deconstructing concepts in the abstract to get you to really think about them and making you come to your own conclusions. But sometimes I just want someone to yell FUCK THE RICH at me while distorted guitar blares and blast beats play.

#21: There’s Going To Be A Revolution – The Men That Will Not Be Blamed For Nothing

“Been on my knee so long, I’ve got arthiritus
Had to grovel until, i slipped a disk
Take my forelock, ’till my heads gone bald
I’m starving, hungry and I’m freezing cold
If i could learn to write, I’d write the queen a letter
I could tell her I’m at the end of my tether
If things don’t change, we’re coming on mass
Destroy the monarchy and the upper class”

And we’ve got a Blizzard favourite to close off this list and this era in British Monarchy. There’s Going To Be A Revolution is applicable to almost any act of working class uprising against an oppressive dictator – but it does namecheck the Queen specifically (Victoria I assume, given the bands general Steampunk themes and aesthetics).

I’ve written about this song a lot – but I do think it’s the perfect uprising song. The slowly escalating repeated beat and riff, the gravelly and pained vocals, the chanting of the chorus, all the components make it a perfect song to inspire rebellion, and I urge you to listen to it whenever you’re feeling hopeless about the world. A perfect song.

And there it is. A year and a half after my last monarchy playlist where Prince Philip died just afterwards, spooky I know.

F for the Queen I guess, let’s see what Charlie’s like I suppose, not like we have a choice.

If you want to listen to these songs the next time Charles does something terrible or just embarrassing, you can listen on the following streaming platforms:

And why not use these to pump yourselves up for our next livestream on the 26th of September with Guest host: Tom Short, Team Captains: Bobbie Jones & Thom Bee, and guests: Kath Marvelley, Will Preston, Ishi Khan and Saeth Wheeler on twitch.tv/blizzardcomedy – for hopefully not 3 hours worth of just dead Queen jokes,

And if you’re in Manchester, why not book tickets to our next live show with the amazing Charlie George, Kitty Messalina, Patrick Healy and Nathan Virica on the 3rdof October at Gulliver’s NQ – via Outsavvy: https://www.outsavvy.com/event/10408/blizzard-comedy-live-featuring-charlie-george