Wow, what a month March is shaping out to be. I picked the theme of this month’s playlist before a huge event that has totally put everything else into perspective – so rest assured we will be addressing the events of the Sarah Everard Vigil on the 13th March in the show, and it will likely form the basis of our playlist for April.
But as for now the focus of this playlist is about an outdated form of governance in the United Kingdom and across the commonwealth – and the inherent systemic racism within the monarchy. Which now that I’m typing this, feels like a very lukewarm take and whilst an important issue, maybe not the biggest priority – but a discussion that needs to be had, nonetheless.
On a personal level I, like many of you, probably don’t particularly care about the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. I’ve never met them, probably never will – they’re just a rich married couple who are being given a hard time by the press. What else is new?
Well, a couple of key distinctions that this outrage has far surpassed the usual tabloids which we don’t expect better of; into news media outlets which usually can be commended for having a strong basis in factual reporting, regardless of their own political and social biases. The Independent for one was having a right great old time on social media stirring up the pot under the guise of ‘debate’ in a thinly veiled defence to hide what is clearly clickbait and engagement fishing without actually caring about the issues.
The other one is the sheer amount of bigotries that have been in response to this controversial statement that the Royal Family – a relic from days where our power came from invading every island that didn’t get have a Greggs and enforcing our governance over them and killing anyone who stood in their way – might have a bit of a racism problem.
The media response was bad – but it was the response of the wider public which is most worrying – and even more so how media outlets are feeding these bigotries just to increase their arbitrary statistics and profits regardless of the consequences.
Everyone suddenly became a staunch royal defender because a Non-British woman of colour has spoken about the trauma she has faced throughout her life both before and after getting married into the most famous family in the country and being under constant scrutiny from the kind of people who are a-okay with royals marrying their own cousins and siblings – but marrying someone with a different skin complexion and accent is clearly the worst thing that could have possibly happened to the royal family. The kind of people that unironically use the term “The British Empire” when referring to Britain, a little bit of Ireland and a holiday home they go to for 2 weeks every 4 years in Gibraltar. The kind of people who genuinely consider the Queen of England to be an rightfully earned title, and not a coincidence of birthing circumstances.
So today’s playlist is curated to remind us of the needlessness of the monarchy – as well as historical triumphs over them that led to a universal improvement of human rights of the working classes. Here are some of out favourite tracks this month:
“This was your final chance
A chance you didn’t take
Like the lightning we will fall on your golden wealth
This was your final dance
Your final reverence
Now on the horizon you can see our torches burning
No turning back, our army will attack
Your dynasty ends tonight”
It’s not often I really get to include Symphonic/Power Metal on these playlists – typically I’m drawn to the more politically charged music of Punk & Hip-Hop – but when tackling the monarchy, a lot of the historically based anthems from these kinds of bands are strangely pertinent.
This song being aptly based on the Women’s March on Versailles shortly before the French Revolution. On the 5th October 1789, women began to protest against the high market prices and poverty stricken lives. A crowd looted the city armory and besieged the royal palace of Versaille, forcing the King to return to Paris.
Just an option worth considering, that’s all I’m saying.
“The masters and the mistresses are walking into the hall
They are smiling and laughing and showing that they are tall
They don’t recognize that we’re waiting there
And just nobody can foresee
This is the last night of the kings”
Van Canto are an interesting group I’d never heard of before it was suggested by a fan – a very unique a capella, folk metal kind of vibe which is ridiculously satisfying listening to. The range of vocal talent in the group is incredible, this wouldn’t be out of place accompanying a Tolkien book or a Elder Scrolls game.
The title should be enough of an indication of why this track is on this playlist – I’m not sure if this is supposed to be based on an actual event or a fantasy – but either way it’s a perfect song to wind down to before overthrowing the Queen.
“I’m most concerned about my people, I want to give them peace
So I’m making sure they stay in line with my army and police
My prisons and my mental homes have ever open doors
For those amongst my subjects who dare to ask for more
Unruliness and disrespect are things I can’t allow
So I’ll see the peasants grovel if they refuse to bow”
C/W: Lesbophobic D Slur
Crass are another band I’ve been aware of consciously for as long as I’ve been into music – but I’ve never particularly gotten into them. This song however is just over 5 minutes of pure biting satire against the Queen, government and class divide that we all need to remind ourselves of.
Queen Elizabeth as a person seems like a nice enough person, and in its current system the monarchy have very little power. But the entire monarchy system is based on manipulating the working classes and keeping them just fed enough to be alive, but poor enough to know their place and not try to ask for more.
While the power has somewhat shifted to a democratic system that has more or less the same outcome – it’s important to remember that the royal family aren’t just some source of gossip – they are decedents from one of the biggest abusers of working class and human rights in the world. While the Queen is more of a figurehead than a dictator these days – the cracks from the damage the royal family has caused run deep in the government and policing of the country, never forget.
“Storm the palace
Storm the palace”
Have you considered…Storming that their palace?
Royals – Lorde
“And we’ll never be royals (royals)
It don’t run in our blood
That kind of luxe just ain’t for us
We crave a different kind of buzz”
This one is a little bit off theme – as in the context of this song it’s quite clear ‘Royals’ is being used as a metaphor for the rich glamorous pop star life that we are all culturally manipulated to strive for, particularly as teenagers and young adults. However fuck you, it’s my playlist, this song slaps, eat my cunt.
This track from the iconic Final Fantasy VII might not have anything to do with the monarchy specifically – but within the context of the game playing in the slums of Wall Market below the main city where all the rich and middle classes live while sucking the planet dry of resources and slowly decimate the quality of life of the working classes – I feel like this fits in with the general vibe of this playlist quite nicely.
“I am upper middle class; I am living in the past
Yeah, there’s a price on your head”
Bit of an oddball one from Enter Shikari here. While their tracks are usually very unashamedly and explicitly political – this one pulls a more System of A Down vibe with lyrics that sound like nonsense but have a deep cryptic meaning.
Obviously it’s broadly about class structures and oppression – and in the music video they are taken to a medieval castle at one point – so close enough I reckon.
The repeated “We must have structure” at the end echoing the soundbite of the upper class and those in power which lets them get away with not analysing the structure involved and the people it harms really gets me. Anyway, it’s a great tune.
“England’s glory lives on in world wide genocide
So celebrate Buchenwald as Her Majesty’s heir
Now an obsolete face on a currency of illusion
No matter what we own we can’t buy freedom”
Another fan suggestion that I can’t say I’m that familiar with – but this little verse here is what wold it for me. It’s all well and good saying that the current Queen doesn’t particularly personally do anything that horrible – she has still been used as motivation for almost every war we’ve been involved in since the ’50s. She represents a Britain that thrives on genocide and colonialism.
The royal family needs to be abolished. They can keep their riches and make plenty of money on Ben Shapiro’s podcast complaining about cancel culture snowflakes or something, I don’t care – but the monarchy system needs to go.
“The Danish king was captured
Most of his guards were dead
For a ransom he was released
Then his people took his head”
Finally, an excuse to have some Amon Amarth on a playlist!
This song is a reference to a Scandinavian historical event; most likely the Battle of Foteviken. The Danish King decided to go to war as a neighbouring kingdom refused to pay taxes to him. The army was crushed, the King Captured, and released after a hefty ransom was paid. Needless to say, the Danish people were not happy at the number of lives lost because a King was greedy and wanted more money – so he was beheaded.
Again, I’m just saying, there are options.
“King number one used his sword to control
King number two collected taxes from the poor
Both gave their power and money to the banks
The money lenders returned the favor”
What a surprise – it was capitalism all along? It all comes back to this point. Next.
“If i could learn to write, i’d write the queen a letter
Say if things around here don’t start getting better
I’m gonna raise an army, come knocking on her door
Gonna storm the bloody palace, can’t take it anymore”
In the last few live shows – this track served as the last song we’d play before the final section. This song has such a good beat, such powerful lyrics, such a sense of rising anger and, well, revolution. It will happen. The Queen, the PM, those in power will face a revolution if things don’t start getting better. It might not happen today – or even within our lifetimes. But there is only so far they can go before they hit the last straw and the people rise up.
These are just some of my picks for Blizzard Comedy’s playlist against the Monarchy. You can listen to these track, as well as other songs by: The Exploited, Megadeth, Grace Petrie and more here on YouTube and here on Spotify. And get ready for our show on the 29th March with Ian Lane, Red Redmond, Ben Hodge & Raul Kohli.