Tell us about your show, Kissed By A Flame.
Kissed By A Flame is an autobiographical piece about a time in my life when my partner was diagnosed with cancer and the last 18 months of his life. The play is about grief, so it was important that the audience was aware that the character of Teddy is dead from the beginning of the play. The character of Jamie (based on myself) has failed to deal with his grief, and he has reached a crossroads in his life, where Teddy has been dead for as long as they were together.
It’s time for him to face all those demons that he boxed up over a decade before, and the spirit of Teddy is there to guide him through the process.
What made you want to present this deep vulnerable story on stage to an audience of strangers?
When I first started writing it, it was very much for my own benefit. It quickly became apparent that I’d never dealt with my grief on a deep level and that it was a process that I needed to go through.
I eventually shared the story with a few friends, and it moved everyone who read it, so I decided that it could be a piece that would work on stage. I sent it to my producer Connor, and he became determined to get it staged. I became very Jamie-like and failed to acknowledge that anything was happening until the week before rehearsals. It was then that I suddenly realised how vulnerable I felt allowing strangers see this autobiographical piece of writing. It was too late to stop it.
I guess that sometimes it helps not to overthink things.
How did you manage to explore a topic as large and encompassing as grief in the space of a single show?
I realised that I’d lived with a huge amount of guilt for many years and had been punishing myself for things that I’d created in my own mind. I wanted to explore these themes the most in order to release the pain I’d been carrying around with me for a decade.
I believe that survivor’s guilt is a common thing and was hoping that I could portray this in a way that others could recognise and relate to.
I’m not sure that I managed to cover every part of grief, especially as every person’s journey is individual to them, but I’m happy that people have told me after the show that they could relate to moments so well. And that it was comforting.
What was your process like when choosing the key topics to focus on?
The original script was about 3 or 4 times as long as the one that has been staged. It was then a matter of stepping away from the script and then going back for the cuts.
I decided that the important moments to focus on were the moments that still made me cry as I worked through the script. These were clearly the topics that I needed to expand on for myself and I also felt would resonate with other people.
You’ve said that the story is based on your own life, but how much of it is fictionalised?
The script has ended up being 100% autobiographical. It’s something that I will never do again. LOL. It was an incredible piece of therapy, but it’s difficult having everything out there in the public domain. Next time I’ll just pay for a therapist.
How did you incorporate the comedic elements into the play?
I’ve spent my whole life dealing with difficult situations with humour. When Steve (Teddy in the play) died, I realised that I had no way of dealing with his death, because I couldn’t see a punch line. I believe that is why I boxed up my grief and didn’t deal with it.
Once I’d unboxed the grief, there wasn’t really any other option but include some humour within the script. I think that people behind their closed doors, do deal with difficult situations with dark humour. I didn’t want to shy away from having these moments in the script. I’m aware that the audience is unsure whether to laugh at this humour, but it is something that I like to include in all my scripts.
Hopefully, the more productions that I stage, the more people will feel free to laugh at things we’ve been taught to believe are not funny. I personally believe that everything can be funny, as long as it’s handled with care and heart.
How do you think that comedy can impact the grieving process?
It is such a cliché, but laughter really is the best medicine.
Having said that, I now truly understand that the most important part of grief is being kind to yourself, allowing yourself to cry, to be self-indulgent, to talk to friends about your feelings. The comedy can wait, but eventually the time will feel right, and you can laugh again without guilt.
I now crack very inappropriate jokes about my own situation (to friends who know me well and understand my humour) and this is a positive thing, it shows that I’ve healed.
The most important piece of advice for someone struggling with grief?
The first is to be kind to yourself, the second is to talk to somebody. If you don’t want to talk to friends or family, then speak to a grief counsellor. The power of talking is incredible. You’re not alone.
What do you hope people take away from Kissed By A Flame?
The positivity that there is always a way through difficult situations and as people, we do eventually get through these dark times. We are never truly alone; we just need to learn to reach out to other people or allow others to reach out to us.
I also hope that people take away the love story, it’s a beautiful and tragic love story. It’s not miserable. Love is never miserable.
What advice to people who want to work in theatre?
I guess the best piece of advice is to go for it! I started late in life (I was nearly 50 when I started writing) and was lucky enough to meet people who liked my writing and have helped me along the process.
It’s important to embrace fringe theatre because it’s the backbone of the industry.
Find like-minded people. Join a writing group or theatre group. Most importantly believe in yourself.
Kissed By A Flame has just completed a run at the Pleasance Theatre.
You can keep up with Simon and his work by checking out his theatre company website and following him on Twitter and Instagram.
